i don't know, man

D-WHY “Macchiato Music”

It had never occurred to me that a slippery-slope argument would have explained quite well why I don’t much care for Drake. Sure, the slippery slope is considered a fallacy, and it’s the sort of thinking that led Rick Santorum to think about men fucking (and loving) turtles, but here (above) we have proof positive that Drake’s influence on rap is likely not a Good Thing.

Why? Because now you have shit like this: white guys who can go to Venice and wear expensive clothes rapping about going to Venice and wearing expensive clothes (and fucking!). 

Pre-Drake, this simply could not have been. D-WHY would have either been a backpacker or pretended to be hard (or both, but only if he was a tagger). He would have been wearing a large sweatshirt with the number ‘9’ all over it in primary colors. He would have been hilarious, but he wouldn’t have made you wonder about the health of the genre.

Alternately, he would have made a ‘funny’ rap about being a white guy in Venice — with references to Sex and the City, half-caff skinny macchiatos and the like — and your friends who don’t have good taste in things would have sent it to you because they think this is the sort of thing you like to watch, or listen to. And because they think it’s funny. 

Now, he can bundle his slumming and his parodizing all into one. There was a bridge built, and it was built by Drake. For argument’s sake let’s call it the Bridge of Sighs.